NEW FARM CLINIC: Day Two/Three – River Walkin

Things that have happened in the last two days:

– Paul, Mum, Dad, Erin, Nelson & Bryn have come to visit me which was the highlight of my days. I did 13,000 steps walking by the river today so hopefully will sleep well tonight – having a light shined at you every hour isn’t great for good sleep.

– The nurses still don’t like it when you tell them that you are going for a walk by the river. I just say ‘walk’ now. They ask if you feel ‘safe’ to leave. I said yes.

– Nelson is my therapy dog. He tried to kill cyclists by putting the biggest sticks he could find on the path.

– There is a black house on the river that looks like the Addams family live there (see pic).

– Overheard a girl asking for her shoes back. She had ‘absconded’ and the nurses took them away for 3 weeks so she couldn’t run away/leave again. (She still had socks)

– Nurse didn’t check me back in after I went for a walk yesterday and I got a flip out phone call asking where I was… but I was in my room watching ‘Mad as Hell’ with Paul.

– Returning from a walk today my bag was checked for knives/contraband (I didn’t have any).

– I am allowed out for 8 hours at a time on day leave and I might be here for about 2 weeks. My doctor says that I need to not be in such a rush for everything to work out with my medicine because it doesn’t work fast like I want it to so I can leave. Patience young grasshopper is what she meant to say.

– Yesterday it stormed. TWICE. As my illness is affected by the weather I did not appreciate the gloom.

– I made a ‘Relapse Prevention Plan’ in group therapy today. Working out what my warning signs are, how they are triggered, and specific coping plans for each. Eg. If I start feeling tired and not wanting to go walking, I should probably just go walking. Makes sense right? Wish it was that easy. Will have to work on it. I should also make it clear that by ‘relapse’ I don’t mean it in the usual drug related kind of way. It is about facing up to and trying to change or watch out for any negative behaviours that lead to exacerbation of anxiety or depression (in my case). Like not eating right, not leaving the house, not going to work etc.

– It is really hard to cut steak with a blunt butter knife. I didn’t bother asking for a steak knife because I knew what the answer would be.

– The phone alarm that has been going off all the time I am 82% sure is to wake my neighbour up to go and eat.

– A customer who comes into the library all the time asked me if I worked at the library. I said yes and continued walking. I turned around at dinner to find her sitting at the table next to me. Don’t know who sat down first. I tend to walk looking at the ground around here.

– Still don’t like going to the dining room alone. There were next to no tables left tonight because I left it later. Eating at 5.30pm is hard because I wake up in the middle of the night and need a snack. But if you don’t get in early then all the tables and fruit salad with watermelon is gone (terrible I know!). The food is really nice here though and there are 6 meals a day! I am going to be very fat, very soon. I ask for smaller amounts but apparently that means a heaped scoop of whatever I ask for. Maybe they are making up for the other people who don’t want to eat.

– And the most ridiculous thing to happen today. When the nurse came to take my blood pressure he noticed the framed drawing Paul had left to brighten up my room… and took the glass out of it because people had used such things in the past to hurt themselves. Sigh. The way the nurses talk to you sometimes, like you are a delicate flower. I know it is their job and I can only imagine some of the horrible things they must have seen, and all the times they must have been lied to. It’s no wonder they don’t trust any patient with anything. At least it is safe here.

– Being here makes me feel like an actual crazy person and I have to keep telling myself that this short-term, I will get better, and I am not an actual crazy person.